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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22372708">Wallflower</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanced/pseuds/chanced'>chanced</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kate Daniels - Ilona Andrews</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:09:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,244</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22372708</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanced/pseuds/chanced</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Desandra's here to give Derek a pep talk. Of sorts.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barabas Gilliam/Christopher Steed, Derek Gaunt/Julie Olsen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wallflower</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Weddings are made to celebrate happiness. Feeling the rigid back of a cheap chair bite into his spine in the shadows of this one, Derek was miserable.</p><p>Of all the things he missed about living at the Keep, going to Pack events like this was what he missed least of all. He vaguely remembered a time when it was fun--before he started being pigeonholed as Curran's wolf, before he became busy working for Jim all the time. Before...the face. Back then, he had friends, and a heart light enough to enjoy things like this with them. There was a time when a Pack wedding meant sneaking some booze, dancing, and maybe flirting with some girls or even trying to stay out all night with one of them. Now, he had little interest in booze, less interest in dancing, and an absolute aversion to girls. Most girls knew better than to flirt with him anyway.</p><p>Most. Not all.</p><p>Derek stared at the one who didn't between his half-lidded eyes. She laughed as she twirled around on the dance floor, blonde hair swinging in an arc. She grabbed her friend's wrist as the other girl, a redhead, moved to the song. They could've been any two young women on any dance floor without a care in the world. How? Derek wondered. How could she see what she saw day in and day out, and then go to a party and enjoy swaying her hips to the beat of a song with lyrics like "Turn up your gratitude, turn down your attitude / I love my pussy, that means I got cattitude?"</p><p>"Dumb shit song," a voice said in his ear. He jumped. She had snuck up on him. Not many people could do that. He looked over his shoulder at Desandra. The wolf alpha was sitting in the chair slightly behind his at the round table.</p><p>"Not a Miley Cyrus fan, I guess?" He said to her. <br/><br/>"Fuck no," she responded. "I'm somebody's <em>mother</em>." <br/><br/>"Uh huh," he said. He took a drink of his beer. It was warm now and still basically full, but he pretty much had it for looks, anyway, so it didn't matter. Look at me, sitting here all casual, enjoying my beer and the general splendor. He wondered how he could get Desandra to go away. <br/><br/>"Now, you look like an Ariana Grande guy yourself," Desandra continued. She leveled a gaze at him. "That must be why you're not on the dance floor. They just haven't played your number yet." <br/><br/>"That's exactly right," he said. "As soon as they play Side to Side, I'm there. I love that line about dick bicycles." <br/><br/>"I do believe that was a joke from the grim Lone Wolf of Atlanta," Desandra said. "What, do you do one a year or something these days?" <br/><br/>"Something like that." <br/><br/>"You really are a dumbass," she said. Derek raised his eyebrows inquiringly. "I heard that Julie kissed you and you pushed her away. Like, literally, pushed her." <br/><br/>Derek's ears filled with a rushing sound. The only thing worse than thinking about this was talking about it. How had she heard of this? Who else had? Had Kate and Curran? What was he supposed to say? He fought desperately for a response. He couldn't say nothing and let Desandra think that he had actually shoved Julie. He opened his mouth but no words came out.<br/><br/>Desandra laughed, a tinkling sound that belied her ferocity. "Like I said. A real dumbass," she repeated. "Don't worry so much, kid. Julie told me in the car on the way here when I told her she looked hot. She said she hoped so, because she hadn't been feeling hot lately, and then told me the story. Why would you do that? You don't like her that way?" <br/><br/>"First, I didn't <em>push</em> her," Derek managed at last, stiffly. "I moved myself away from her. I might have steadied her with my hands as I did it. I don't know. I wasn't thinking straight. She took me by surprise. I didn't see it coming. I was respectful." Desandra rolled her eyes. "And as to why, you <em>know</em> why." <br/><br/>"I guess I do," she said. "It must be because she's beautiful, smart, funny, powerful, and has been in love with you for half her life." <br/><br/>"She thinks she's in infatuated with me," Derek said, "Because I've been a presence in her life since she was young. I used to be a lot more experienced than her, hence cooler, and I looked out for her. It's like how kids fantasize about their teachers. It's a Thing. She's ignored a lot of things that she normally would be smart enough to pay attention to because of it." <br/><br/>"Like?" <br/><br/>"Like I'm a loner without a pack. I have people, yes, but I don't have the stability of the pack structure to fall back on if I get in trouble. Which I inevitably will. My life's not safe," he continued. <br/><br/>Desandra laughed shortly. "Oh, and Julie's always been so risk averse," she said. <br/><br/>"No, and she doesn't need more of it in her life," Derek said. "And then, she could have anyone. Someone who isn't so....you know. Messed up." <br/><br/>Desandra scoffed. "She could do worse," she said. "And will, of course." <br/><br/>"What's that supposed to mean?" <br/><br/>"Look at her," Desandra commanded. He obeyed automatically. Julie was no longer dancing, but he knew instinctively where she was. She and Maddie sat at a table now, chatting with a group of other young people. Julie's cheeks were flushed with exertion and probably some of the punch that Barabas and Christopher had provided. One of the guys at the table, a dark haired bouda around her age, said something. She smiled, eyes sparkling, and said something back. Derek's free hand clenched and the knuckles on the hand gripping the beer turned white. <br/><br/>"You know that guy?" Desandra asked him. "Paulie? Fun guy. Not bad in a fight. He has the start of a half-form. Not like, the most badass guy in the Clan Bouda, but pretty good. He's started working for Barabas actually. He has a <em>thing</em> for Julie, apparently." <br/><br/>"OK," Derek said. "So maybe she'll go out with this guy, or some other one. I'm not going to stop her, if that's what you're suggesting. She's a big girl. She'll be fine." He tried to make himself believe it. "I just want her to be happy, that's all." <br/><br/>"Oh yeah, he'll make her <em>happy</em>," Desandra said, winking. "If everything I hear around the Keep is true, he'll make her <em>very</em> happy." The corners of Derek's lips turned at a snarl before he could stop himself. She laughed, and then sobered. "Until he doesn't. Apparently he's a real love-em-and-leave-em type. But hey, maybe that's what she's looking for. Just a fun night. She's 20 years old, right? Old enough to make those decisions."</p><p>With a tinkling sound, the tepid bottle of beer Derek was holding shattered in his hand, unfortunately into a brief silence between songs. Desandra's eyebrows crept up toward her hairline. A number of heads turned toward Derek and Desandra. Julie looked over from her table. Her eyes narrowed at him. <br/><br/>"Fuck!" Derek said. He stood up, brushing bits of glass off of his suit jacket. "Thanks so much for the chat," he muttered to Desandra, and stalked away. <br/><br/>Alone at the table, Desandra sipped her glass of wine and smiled. </p>
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